Mine and Yours

We‘re about to visit an issue that has been responsible for thousands of broken relationships universally. Whether you are married, about to be married, or hope to be married in the future, you and your companion must come to middle ground or be on the same page when it comes to finances. I am sure you have heard the cliché “What’s yours is yours and what’s mine’s is mine’s. For most relationships, it is not a problem for the woman, if she is an independent woman, to spend money on her companion, oh yeah we men love that, however there is always a problem with most men, when his lady friend ask him for money to buy something.

For instance, if his girlfriend is not working, it should be the man’s job to provide for his girlfriend right! I heard someone said a loud amen on that one, but a lot of men use that as a means of control over women, and barely give them enough to do whatever they have to do for themselves and for the home, that’s why the majority of men will mostly support such a cliché, however, that’s an issue by itself. In the next issue, we will address this dilemma of “What do you do when your man is cheap!” stay tuned for that one, that’s a hot one.

I Would like to address this issue from the point of view of both parties are working. What should you do in such a position? There is always conflict when it comes to a particular person running out of their own money, while the other companion still has their own money, can you imagine a husband borrowing money from his wife or his wife borrowing money from her husband? these things ought not be, that’s a problem, if you both came to an agreement of “Mine’s and Your’s. This mindset in any relationship can be disastrous or on the other hand, it can be successful according to the couple’s ability to cope with such an arrangement, it usually exerts a lot of strain on relationships, and breathes more distrust than anything else.

Many people have reverted to such a mindset because in their life, they have been taken advantage of by people they thought they can trust, such persons are very careful in that area, being very protective of their money. That kind of person usually end up being a slave to fear, always thinking, if any conflict arises between them, they’ll be robbed, or the person will take advantage of them by spending out their money ect., and that’s not God’s will, if you fit such a profile, you need to seek God and ask him to grant wisdom, strength and forgiveness to trust again, or else you’ll never be free in that area and your relationships will suffer greatly for it. Then there are those persons who like the “Mine’s and Your’s point of view because they are plain old greedy, always brooding over their pride and joy in the bank, a miser in all respects, that’s a remedy for eternal loneliness, no one will marry such a person.

The Bible has laid down a principle, that fosters discipline, unity , responsibility, accountability and maximized power, that principle is “Oneness”. This principle only applies to couples who are not selfish, and has each others best interest at heart. It takes a man to inculcate such a principle into his financial ethics. The Bible says in Matthew 19:5 (Whole Chapter) 

And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and their twain shall be one flesh? This declaration does not only apply to marriage only, but it applies to everything within the relationship, sharing chores, responsibilties, and also finances. A couple according to scripture must become one, united in all that they do, walking in harmony and unity in all facets of companionship, finances is not excluded. My wife and I have decided to join our finances together, my entire salary joined to her entire salary, then we make a budget every month, that includes everything from month to month expenses to college funds for our kids.

We have found that in merging our salaries we are able to accomplish great things together financially, with out borrowing, or using credit cards. We are able to have a panoramic view of everything before us, so we know how we can walk towards goals and prioritize projects we have in the future. We are also able to determine what we can afford and what we cannot afford from month to month, helping us to maximize our finances in saving and investment. This “Oneness” principle has really advanced our lives, and it will not hurt to discuss such a principle or idea with your spouse.

If your spouse has a problem with spending, you may want to put in a few modifications to this principle, being accountable in your finances help to instill discilpline in your spending, thus helping you to be good stewards of the money that God gives you the strenght to earn. God bless and see you next time, with more informative thoughts on “Understanding Men”